On Sports

We can be sure the pilgrim fathers would never have left England without the rules of rugby. I can only suppose they ran out of toilet paper half way across the Atlantic, and when they landed and tried to recreate the game from memory they came up with American Football. I’m sure that’s what must have happened; the similarities between the games are so marked, the shape of the ball, the goal posts, the pass, the scrimmage, the offside rule, the touchdown and the conversion. And the points systems are almost identical. By the way, someone needs to teach those American football players the correct way of applying their mascara.

Baseball looks like a strange, distorted version of cricket (with a touch of rounders thrown in). Again, the similarities are remarkable, the bat, the ball, the pitcher or bowler, the wicket keeper, the fielders, the boundaries and so on. Perhaps the rules of cricket went overboard from the Mayflower with the rules of rugby.

And why does every soccer team have a player who lives in the goal, dresses in an outfit completely different from the rest of the team, and whose sole function seems to be to shout and scream at his team mates every time the ball comes anywhere near him?

Boxing seems to me the most crazy pastime. How can two men beating the living daylights out of each other be called a sport? And we even have women boxers nowadays. How does that make any sense?

As for golf, that’s a game fit only for masochists. The slopes on the greens on some of the premier courses around the world would do justice to crazy golf. The people who build golf greens should really take lessons from the bowling green builders. How difficult can it be to build flat greens?