On Religion

Why are Catholics always “practicing” Catholics? At least the ones that aren’t “lapsed” are always practicing. Protestants don’t need any practice. From the day of their baptism, they are fully qualified for a life of protest.

Years ago, when our kids were in primary school, we got involved in fundraising for a new non-denominational secondary school. The school was built, but when we applied for our kids to join, we were refused because we were not Protestants.

“I thought this was a non-denominational school,” says I.

“It is,” replied the vicar. “It’s a non-denominational Protestant school, and you are not Protestants.”

“But we helped fundraise for the school. I lost count of the number of coffee mornings we held, the number of bring and buy sales where we brung and bought.”

“I’m sorry. Your efforts on behalf of the school are appreciated, but the school is for Protestants.”

“But we are Protestants,” I protested, thinking: let him prove otherwise.

“You’re not pew Protestants,” says he, and that was the end of the argument.